England's unlucky seven should be...

The biggest questions facing England in the lead-up to the tournament, considering the starting eleven appears to be pretty much settled, were regards the second-choice players for several positions. Puzzling then that the man in charge chose to not play the most obvious candidates for several of them at all, or sparingly where that wasn't the case.

Adam Johnson - the great new hope, was expected to unleash his unorthodox brilliance during the two friendlies and ease to a place on the plane as Fabio's secret weapon. That now seems unlikely. With doubts remaining over the fitness of Gareth Barry, Scott Parker's call whetted the appetite of England supporters keen to see a central midfielder who a) wasn't Michael Carrick, and b) could tackle. Michael Dawson didn't even get a run out.

As things stand, Bent, Dawson, Parker, Johnson, Huddlestone, one of Warnock or Baines, plus another midfielder, almost certainly a winger, look destined to miss out. Reasonable performances by Joe Cole and Shaun Wright-Phillips may have given Capello late food for thought, but he's since admitted that his decision is made, and we'll find out soon enough. The seven who should miss out on a place in the squad, though, are as follows...

Darren Bent
No-one can argue with Darren Bent's scoring record. Whichever middling Premier League club he's been at (Ipswich, Charlton, Spurs, Sunderland), he's found the net regularly, and notching half of the latter's goals this season is a great achievement. Sadly for Darren, he's not Jermain Defoe, the man who is his direct competition for one of four striking berths.

His other main problem is that he's just a bit of a soft lad. Defoe's hardly Geoff Capes, but at least he appears to have something resembling a personality, and has had to develop a bit of a hard skin after spending his entire career flitting between clubs based on nothing more than who was offering the biggest pay packet. Bent's damaged goods. He continues to play the gent, the good pro, with a couple of nasty words for his former chairman about as close as he's ever come to earning himself some lines.

Quite simply, apart from not being good enough to play in an England shirt, Darren Bent is far too fragile a soul to cope with the backlash of missing a quarter final penalty. He'd never recover. Should the spotlight fall on Jermain and he fluff his lines, he'll shrug, get on with things, go out, get plastered and make sure he ends the evening, and several after, hanging out of whichever model might cross his path. This is how i expect our players to behave. No time for wimps.

Jamie Carragher
Scouse squealer who should never have been afforded the privilege of wearing the Three Lions again. An absolute embarrassment to club, country, northerners, humankind. Once an extremely reliable centre-half, he's now basically a white Kolo Toure, and his decline cannot solely be blamed on the zonal marking employed by his club manager.

A man who has openly stated he doesn't care a jot about England, his return to the side after four years in the wilderness sums up the sorry state of options in the position. The current incumbent can't tackle, and the usual backups are injured or Gary Neville, respectively, in one case both.

Any sane England fan would have at least considered the prospect of easing someone into the position during qualifying having noticed Glen Johnson isn't very good. Nedum Ohuoha has played there and is about as reliable as they come. Failing that, someone who isn't shit could have been shifted over. Then there's Phil Neville. Even now that he's in the squad and our options are limited, we should still give him the elbow.

Tom Huddlestone
The heaviest head in the history of sport, Thudd shouldn't be on the plane for safety reasons alone. Somehow this fat lump has earned comparisons to both Franz Beckenbauer and Glenn Hoddle by people who ought to know better. Despite averaging less than two strikes a season he's somehow *known* as a scorer of great goals. In reality, he's responsible for missing the target more often than any other player in the league.

Michael Carrick
Can spray passes around with relative success but has little physical presence. Only ever going to South Africa as a backup to Gareth Barry, but unlike England's best player he can't provide adequate cover for his defence. Absent against Mexico, as has been the case for most of his international career. Scott Parker would be a much better option.

Leighton Baines
Probably the best left-back in the country behind Ashley Cole and Patrice Evra, and has been generally splendid since moving to Everton from Wigan. A hammer of a left peg, always looking to get forward, and a real danger on set-pieces, so long as he's an occasional gap-filler for England we'll probably never see the best of him.

Has looked like a fish up a tree during both of his caps so far, and given that Stephen Warnock's club form also dipped over the last half of this season, our options of a backup to Cole still come with question marks. Has admitted to suffering from home-sickness, and so i'd be tempted to give Warnock the nod.

Theo Walcott
Basically a runner. Has done very little of note since joining Arsenal many moons ago. His treble in Croatia and a couple of breaks in Champions League games, that's about it. Seems absolutely incapable of taking a football around a man, would probably struggle just as much if said men were replaced by cones.

Doesn't possess the skill of Adam Johnson, the ball control of Aaron Lennon, the footballing brain of Joe Cole, the engine of Shaun Wright-Phillips or the versatility of James Milner, and should not only be behind those in the pecking order but several others, too. Him going to the World Cup would be an absolute travesty. Shit beard.

Matt Upson
Too inoffensive, for my liking. A solid defender, an all round good egg, and a fine figure of a man, but i'd be tempted to take players who have been in form for their clubs over those from, well, West Ham. Michael Dawson, a bit of a Bramble for most of his early career, has come on leaps and bounds over the last season and a bit, and though inexperienced internationally would be a safer bet to come into the side should John Terry pick up a knock.

Plenty of reasons to take him over Lesley King, and he's rarely let England down, but ifs, buts and maybes to one side, he isn't one of the four best centre halves we have. Another one who could do with a bit of an image change, he's too nice. Should consider stamping on a likeable rival, or maybe feigning a booze addiction.

by Yusuf Weeks