5. Sani Kaita (Nigeria)The second stupidest sending-off of the World Cup so far. With the team comfortable and 1-0 up and with the ball out of play in an entirely non-threatening position Nigeria’s Sani Kaita aims a kick at Greece’s Vassilis Torosidis, earns himself an inevitable red card and sets his team on the path to a defeat that’s likely to eliminate them from the competition.
4. Vassilis Torosidis (Greece)
That said Torosidis’ reaction is shocking. At first glance he looks the victim of a vicious and unprovoked assault but on the replay it’s clear Kaita barely makes contact and the collapse to the ground in “agony” was every bit as ludicrous and disgraceful as Rivaldo’s theatrics against Turkey in 2002. Kaita’s red card was inevitable as soon as he raised a foot but it was still an appalling display of bad sportsmanship.
3. Otto Rehhagel (Greece)
I promise to move on from Greece in a second but Rehhagel has to make the list. Usually a coach getting an unfancied (and, let’s face it, rubbish) team to the brink of the second round would be a cause for congratulations and admiration for the plucky underdogs. But Greece are such an atrocious team to watch it can only be a source of frustration and disappointment. The pragmatist-in-chief of a goals-lite World Cup so far, Rehhagel’s tactics must surely mean every neutral fan will be rooting for South Korea to progress come Tuesday.
2. Clive Tyldesley (ITV1 football commentator)
Although no stranger to ineptitude, Tyldesley took it to new heights in his coverage of Brazil’s opener against North Korea. Finally treated to the first truly brilliant goal since the tournament’s opening day, Tyldesley took five replays to spot that it wasn’t an own goal (he may have been the only person watching who thought it was in the first place) and then attempted to spare his blushes by pontificating interminably about whether Maicon meant it (which, unless his plan was to cross to nobody instead, he clearly did). Truly embarrassing.
1. Abdelkhazer Ghezzal (Algeria)
OK, you’re an Algerian footballer during the first World Cup in Africa. All the African nations have been handed relatively tough draws and whichever team progresses will potentially experience the adulation of an entire continent. The night before your first game, the two favourites in your group play and share a 1-1 draw. You see a glimmer. England are under pressure and out of form and, although a lucky break gave them the draw, it’s pretty clear from watching the game the US are nowhere near as good as their pre-tournament hype. All you have to do is beat the smallest country in the tournament and you’ll suddenly have a good chance of progressing.
It’s 0-0 at half-time but Algeria have been the stronger side. You come on as a substitute in a lone striker’s role. This is your chance to be a national hero and enter your name into the annals of World Cup history.
Or you could pick up a pointless yellow card within your first two minutes on the pitch and then fifteen minutes later perform the world’s most blatant handball and get yourself sent off, thus ensuring your team lose the match and are deprived of your services against the group favourites. Truly and remarkably idiotic.
Paul Hawkins
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