Football isn’t just consigned to a pitch. Indeed, some of the most important and indeed most humorous moments happen off it. Just ask Kim Jong-hun, (though I doubt he will find the funny side) coach of the North Korean national team, who nominated striker Kim Myong-wun as his side’s third goalkeeper. Unfortunately for both Kims, FIFA have ruled that his selection as goalkeeper means he can only take to the field as a goalkeeper. If he plays, I hope for his sake someone tells him to catch crosses, not nod them in.Although we may snort in our Starbucks like capitalist pig-dogs at this kind of ineptitude, off-field drama has proven par for the course at the World Cup. They range from the plain daft to events of great seriousness; sometimes, they are even a mix of both. Here are a few...
Diana Ross (USA, 1994)
The United States: glitz, glamour and, er, Alabama. Emerging from the Cold War victorious, our friends in the West had the chance to put on an event that could eclipse all previous tournaments. They had it all: a solid infrastructure, world-renowned stadiums and a market of potential ‘soccer’ fans just waiting to be tapped.
The opening ceremony was going swimmingly, providing the mix of spectacle and razzmatazz that is so uniquely American. To top it all off, on comes Diana Ross dressed in a red shell suit and flanked by Colgate mascots either side. The plan was simple: wave at adoring crowd, sport toothy grin amid the whoopin’ and a-hollerin’ fans, kick oversized ball into net, collapse net, cue cheers. Instead, taking leave of the script, Ross decides to perform a heartfelt tribute to a history of England penalty woes.
(Ok, so this was technically ‘on-field’…gimme a break).
John Aldridge (USA 1994)
After the high of beating Italy 1-0 in their opening match, the Republic of Ireland were brought crashing back down to earth in their next game as they trailed Mexico 2-0 with time running out. Manager Jack Charlton, seeing his team’s dire position, decided to chuck on veteran John Aldridge.
That was his plan, anyway. The officials however, had other ideas. Whether it was a miscommunication or a delay in paperwork, the officials would not let Aldridge on to the field, despite the player he was replacing having come off. Aldridge, in his trademark native Cork accent, let out a barrage of four-word missives at the presumably terrified sideline officials. Jack Charlton then got involved. Nearly six minutes afterwards, Aldridge was eventually allowed on to the field.
Although both he and Charlton were punished for their x-rated tirades - broadcast around the world -Aldridge had the last laugh; he scored the consolation goal against Mexico which proved to be a decider in sending his team through to the second round on goal difference.
Ronaldo (France, 1998)
What went from being a spot of teamsheet hokey-cokey to one of football’s biggest conspiracy theories, the mystery surrounding Ronaldo during the day of the 1998 World Cup Final would have given Holmes a headache. The stand-out player of the tournament, the Brazilian wonderkid was expected to upstage the hosts in the final with his lightning speed and lethal finishing.
However, when the lineups were submitted, his name was the one that stood out more than usual; he was listed on the bench. As the media ran around like headless chickens trying to understand what had happened, another teamsheet was circulated with Ronaldo’s name this time in the starting line up. On receiving it, Gary Lineker labelled the confusion as the biggest practical joke in World Cup history.
Yet there was hardly anything jokey about it. Brazil and Ronaldo in particular put in a dismal performance as France ran out 3-0 winners. After the game, rumours circled about Ronaldo being injured, and that he had been forced to play on by his sponsors. In fact, on the morning of the final, Roberto Carlos had woken up to discover his roommate Ronaldo having a seizure. The team was shell shocked, and with serious concerns about their star striker’s wellbeing, this no doubt went someway to explain Brazil’s below par display that evening.
Ernst Jean Joseph (West Germany, 1974)
Haiti had done well just to get to the World Cup finals, and in their first match put up a hell of a fight, taking a one-nil lead before eventually going down 3-1 to a world class Italian side. Sadly for Haitian defender Ernst Jean Joseph, this was as good as it would get; after the game, he became the first player at a World Cup to fail a dope test. If this wasn’t bad enough for Joseph, whose native country was under the terrifying regime of Papa Doc Duvalier at the time, the Haitian team officials responded to his positive test by holding him in the training camp and beating the shit out of him.
The terrified Joseph phoned two neutral officials who tried to intervene on his behalf: both were reprimanded for doing so. In the end, Joseph was flown home to face the consequences, whilst his teammates went on to lose 7-0 to Poland and 4-1 to Argentina in the remaining group games.
Mick McCarthy and Roy Keane (Japan and South Korea, 2002)
In the build up to the 2002 World Cup, the contrasting stances of Roy Keane, the FAI and manager Mick McCarthy combined to create a turd so large that a chance encounter with a passing fan was almost inevitable.
For Keane, the build-up to the World Cup had been less than adequate; the relaxed atmosphere of the training camp, the team having to fly economy class, and the fact that the expectations of the Irish officials and team did not match his own (he reportedly told Alex Ferguson he was going to the World Cup to win it), did nothing to dispel his concerns. As the media got wind of a brewing feud, Keane did an interview with the Irish Times, in which he publicly aired his concerns about the management, the FAI and revealed his threat to quit the team.
McCarthy confronted Keane with regard to the article, with one question on his mind: wtf? Keane’s response was, and still is, legendary: "Mick, you're a liar … you're a fucking wanker. I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager, and I don't rate you as a person. You're a fucking wanker and you can stick your World Cup up your arse. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country! You can stick it up your bollocks."
Unsurprisingly, McCarthy sent Keane home on the next plane from Saipan. Ireland went on to make the last sixteen, going out to Spain on penalties. Meanwhile, Keane walked his dog. A lot.
Argentina (Argentina, 1978)
As tournaments go, this one was a good as any other, with the home national Argentina beating Holland 3-1 in an enthralling final that went to extra time. However, outside the stadium walls, dark secrets were being kept from prying international eyes.
Argentina had been chosen to host the 1978 World Cup ten years earlier. Two years before the tournament, the country was taken over by Jorge Videla’s military dictatorship known as the ‘National Reorganisation Process’, casting a regime of fear, suppression and bloodlust onto the country. As the regime got into full swing, the World Cup provided the ultimate opportunity for its legitimisation.
And how it needed it in the face of its crimes. The year prior to the Finals, the government stated that over 5,000 more people had joined the ever growing ranks of ‘the disappeared’ – the phrase used to describe political opponents and non-patriots that had either been banished to concentration camps, or worse, their death. Over 30,000 would perish in what became known as the ‘Dirty War’, a campaign of state sponsored violence against anti-government people.
Although the camps and atrocities were masked by those in power during the World Cup spotlight, The success of the tournament and the Argentine team has been seen to be a key factor in legitimising these processes. As human rights activist Mabel Gutierrez put it; “it was a cup made to wash the face of the murderers…in front of the world.”
On occasion, the hellish world hidden from international scrutiny would intertwine with the Argentina peddled by its leaders. Less than a mile away from River Plate’s stadium was the Naval Mechanics School, a torture centre during the regime where around 5,000 ‘disappeared’ were believed to have been held. On match days, the captives could hear the roar of the crowds cheering on their teams, offering a hollow respite from the screams of torture victims at the camp.
On the night of Argentina’s World Cup victory, several inmates were taken by their captors in a car to join the celebrating masses in the centre of Buenos Aires. Yet as former inmate Graciela Daleo recalls, public celebration contrasted painfully with what her and her fellow prisoners had endured. The team's victory only ensured she would have to endure it for some time still: "I stood up on the seat and looked at that multitude. That was another moment of terrible solitude. I was crying. I was certain that if I began to shout that I was a 'disappeared,' then no one would even notice."
Argentina may have won the World Cup in 1978, but its people lost a whole lot more.
Sean Lightbown
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